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January 27, 2013

I'M HAVING A MASSIVE REFLECTIVE MOMENT:


I'M HAVING A MASSIVE REFLECTIVE MOMENT:

I really try my best to be positive, creative, solutions oriented, giving and sharing in my life. I try to set a tiny example, (mostly for myself) and sometimes for others. Many, many times people disagree with my opinion but you always know where you stand with me good or bad. And I really always do try my best.

But packing this apartment this week made me realize how much I have given up on my life this last three years. I've moved 6 times in four year in three cities. I have not felt settled in years but never thought about it, I just kept going, that's what we do right?

I came to New York for the wrong reasons, I went into the wrong relationship, moved a year ago into the wrong apartment again for the wrong reasons and have really had a rough time of it. I have not followed my path, my health, my dreams, my creative core or the things I love. I've spent my time struggling. And all those decisions were mine to make, and I own each of them solely. What's the old saying? "Every decision we make was exactly the 'right' decision in that moment."

Despite being a 'nice' place to live, I have suffered constant construction and dust issues and a management team that honestly could care less here. I lost my light and moved into a cave, literally and figuratively! It has made my health so much worse and my attitude bad as it relates to "my home" and to "New York City". My home is surrounded by bad energy and I know it has seeped out of me draining me and rubbing off on many others at times. If you saw that I'm sorry.

In effect I have not been "MARK"! Not the Mark I know myself to be, not the one who thrives on life each day, who tries to inspire others. I cannot tell you how I underestimated how critical my nest is in supporting me in my goals, inspiration and desires. In the last year I never even hung a single piece of art that I own. I never entertained friends or had my usual dinner parties. I avoided so much of life, including countless invitations to things. And it's been fucking depressing.

Well guess what? I'm done! Packing all my beautiful things, memories, art and knick-knacks and having to dust everything again has crystalized for me how much I have been off and how down I have allowed my environment to push me and devour my motivation.

So the lights are back on, and when I walk into my new home to get the keys on Tuesday afternoon, I'm back! Full force, smiling, cooking, exercising, writing, creating and living my amazing life with my amazing friend and networks.

I've spent decades working my ass off to get to today, and now I am gonna get back to relishing in my beautiful creative life!

Grateful for my dust-filled, Sunday and this moment!
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